Well here I am again, I didn’t forget you completely.
I left you all on a bit of a depressing note so you might be asking, hey you feeling better about life my guy? and the answer to that would be a huge resounding NO my friend, but thanks for asking!
While I was away I had a brief meltdown, my beloved fur baby Midnight became ill and sadly did not make it, The husband took off on deployment, The gremlin was diagnosed with autism and now we are currently in another lockdown so it’s looking like my kid won’t be going back to school properly until October sometime.
I have also discovered that I am DEFINITELY not built to be a teacher, I have the patience of a drunken man and the temperament of a scorpion and unfortunately my kid is exactly the same. So there are a lot of weird rambling arguments with neither of us actually getting anywhere. While I’m desperately trying to teach The gremlin not to write all of his letters backwards, he is desperately trying to get me to explain to him (for the millionth time) why it is that he suddenly has so much paperwork!!
Where is The husband you may ask? well I don’t actually know to be honest, all I know it that he is out sailing the high seas with his sea bros and just doing whatever sea bros do. I do know that he will be back some time in December and until then The gremlin and I will struggle along and try not to break too much of the house while he is away.
Onto my beloved fur child. Midnight died in May and it was the worst. It was so bizarre, one minute he is sick and the next I’m having to put him down. I held him as he went and it was terrible, to be fair since he had some kind of brain complication he was just a bit of an empty vessel as it was, I couldn’t really feel him there anymore.
He was cremated because I couldn’t stand the thought of burying him or scattering his ashes somewhere, Midnight was dumped when he was a kitten and then rescued so to me it felt like it would be abandoning him all over again to do so. So he lives beside my bed and sure I might be too weirdly attached to an urn but I’ll never be ready to let that guy go, he was my emotional support animal and I was his. Sure not in a legal way, like I couldn’t take him into a shop with me or anything because we both wouldn’t have known how to cope with that so we would have ended up hyperventilating on the floor somewhere, PLUS he was a runner and would have straight up abandoned me in my hour of need so maybe he wasn’t the best support animal for outings but whenever I would have a meltdown at home or if I went into a depressive episode he would stay by me and he would either lay curled up by my stomach or he would sleep on my pillow right beside my head. I’ll never be able to have that again and for that my heart aches.
Midnights brother Iggy changed pretty quickly after his death, he suddenly became clingy and needy which was a nice change since before he was a bit of an asshole. I guess even he noticed Midnights absence even though he seemed to kind of hate the guy. I am slowly adapting to living with just one cat, I still buy too much food and too much kitty litter but after nine years of living with two cats I guess it will be a hard habit to break.
Onto the young Gremlin. So after three years of doctors appointments and assessments it turns out the little dude has autism, so now we are moving into a new stage of doctors and therapists and all that kind of stuff. He is pretty calm about it all mainly because he has no idea what is going on, not because of the autism, just because I’m too boring to listen to. He just thinks that he has a bunch of new people to hang out with now, and that’s cool with me because it turns out those new people are amazing and so helpful. I feel bad for them that they have to deal with me though with my bag of crazy, a few of them are trying to help me sort myself out since I can emotionally regulate about as well as my kid. Ah we have fun.
It is a relief to have a diagnosis but it is full on to be doing it alone, and The gremlin is not loving life without his dad which has been an uphill battle getting him to understand. He reminds me every few days that I am not the preferred parent and even when I do something he is pumped about he likes to make sure I don’t get my hopes up about him liking me which is super nice. #mumlife.
Anyway, I won’t promise I’ll be back regularly but I hope I will be. I do like writing here even though I actually have no idea if anyone is even reading what garbage I spew out.
R.I.P my prom night dumpster baby, you are sorely missed.
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