Well then….squirrel!

So funny story….

Ever since I went into hospital and came off the meds I have been working with my psychiatrist to figure out what is happening in my head, but the problem (aside from my complete lack of ability to regulate) is that my bipolar had gone totally quiet.

So I began to question whether or not I had ever had bipolar at all, I mean borderline personality disorder and bipolar are often medically confused for one another and borderline does describe alot of my symptoms.

I started to get stressed out about it all and life happened to notice it and decided that I could probably do with a bit more chaos.

Last week I had to go under sedation to get my wisdom teeth taken out and as it was the first time I was getting knocked out I was understandably scared shitless then the Husband went back to work and had to start getting ready to go away which has been very unpredictable and to top it all off the Gremlin starts school in a few days and I don’t think he will transition into it easily due to his regulating and processing issues.

Anyway all of these things started consuming me and I started losing more and more sleep, and then suddenly I felt this need to change up my wardrobe so I spent over $300 on new clothes (including a pastel pink cropped tank top that says “needy” on it, which totally goes with my introverted personality…) and then I needed to change up the bedroom to make it more of a zen space so I spent $130 on a bright pink and purple doona cover that has magic mushrooms on it and then I wanted new bedroom furniture so I started thinking that I could probably just take ours out back and repaint it all (which is something I have never done in my fucking life but I was and continue to be completely convinced that I could ace it) and then I had a surge on energy so I started working out and my self confidence spiked way up which has caused me to start strutting around my house like I’m some kind of sex symbol.

Anyway I was on the phone to my best friend last night talking about all the things I have been doing when it suddenly clicked and I said “Oh shit, I do have bipolar” and she just replies with “Yeah I know” and we just burst out laughing because it was the most ridiculous thing in the world!

The most important thing I had forgotten about my bipolar is that it is almost always triggered off by things like stress and a lack of sleep, so of course I wouldn’t have been having issues with it because after I left the psych ward everything had calmed down and I started a better routine with my doctor and psychologist.

So that is the story of how I convinced myself I didn’t have bipolar and then proceeded to fall face first into a manic episode.

Well I have prattled on long enough, I feel like I have five different songs playing at the same time in my head and I also have another six tabs open on my computer that are screaming at me to buy all the things, so I’ll be on my way, on my way, make that six songs playing in my head.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.

*please note: I apologise in advance if this post has errors or is difficult to read, I went over it a bunch of times but I kept losing focus so this is as good as it is going to get baby!