Mothers of the internet.

I watch an almost unhealthy amount of YouTube and my watching varies from random book hauls to an hour marathon of The Wiggles, but one part of YouTube that I find fascinating are the mummy vloggers and their “Day in the life” videos.

So I thought I would blog what a day in my life is like and then compare it to the mystical unicorn mummy vloggers. Here we go.

Unlike other people who need to set alarms I am lucky enough to live with a small demon who wakes me each morning with screeching sounds that are so high-pitched  they wake every dog within a 5km radius.

I groggily set tiny Satan free and then go and prepare his breakfast, recently peanut butter toast has become a favourite so we will go with that until his tantrums tell me otherwise. Once he has his plate we go into the lounge room and watch music videos for about 3 hours. During this time I change his butt and put him in some clean clothes that he will destroy in 10 seconds flat, I also get dragged to the kitchen at least twice so he can put and grunt until something I offer takes his fancy and then we trudge back to the lounge room.

Around 11am he goes down for a nap, if it’s a good day he will be down for around 2 hours but if it’s a shit day I’m lucky to have him sleep for 40 minutes. During this time I collapse onto the sofa and watch a bunch of random YouTube videos, I’m currently going through a big med change and I’m also having other problems with my body so I have very little energy.

Once tiny Satan wakes up he has his lunch which usually consists of a peanut butter and honey sandwich, some grapes and a biscuit or rice crackers. Then we watch more YouTube, or we might watch some Disney movies on Netflix. Sometimes I go and clean the kitchen while the tiny Gremlin rampages around grabbing every sharp object he can find, and seriously, it’s almost terrifying how easily that kid finds knives and scissors. Now that he can climb the world is his sharp oyster.

We have dinner around 4.30 because by that time I’m losing my mind and he is eating paper. We had spaghetti tonight which he promptly tipped onto the floor, such a darling.

After dinner he has a shower and I fight him into some pjs, we then race to his bedroom and then I have to pick him up so he can spin his fan because he is obsessed with fans, even though 9 times out of 10 he spins the fan right into his face, not too bright just yet. Then I put him in his cot, pat his face and then sprint to freedom.

Usually I’ll go back to the TV and eat the snacks I have hidden in the couch, some nights I’m fancy and I’ll have a shower and change into some clean pjs but more often than not I skip that step. Then I crawl into bed and waste some time on Tumblr and then my drugs knock me out.

Reading back through this, I sound like a terrible mother but what with The Husband away until July and my mental/physical health pretty shit, I don’t have the energy to do arts and crafts or run around. I do try to play cars or roll the ball with the tiny Gremlin but most of the time he likes to roam around on his own, because I suppose it’s easier for him to find contraband items without me hanging around.

Some day soon I hope I can be like those other mothers on crack and do a whole bunch of shit with him, but for now I’m doing what I can and since he’s still alive I reckon that’s OK.

pinterest-moms-meme

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Idiots and bell jars.

*PLEASE NOTE* I am not hating on all men, just this specific one. #notallmen……sorry, I had to do it.

Initiate rant sequence.

The internet is a scary and wonderful place, you can watch cute kitten videos or you can go check out the comment section of almost anything and watch the trolls just going about their day. I myself enjoy wasting my days away on YouTube, but sometimes I come across people that make me want to…how should I put this….punch them in the genitals.

Let me explain…

There is a little community on YouTube who have called themselves “BookTubers”, because apparently they needed a name… I like watching some of these videos, it’s a cool way to discover new books and see what other people are loving.

So I came across a dude on the YouTube machine who was doing a bookshelf tour. He went through all of his books, which were predominately literary classics by male authors, and pretty much shoved a pretentious stick up his butt and rambled on about how they all gave him a literary boner…except for Jane Austen because she is “the worst writer ever”…..O…K…

Then he decided to do a book review and he had chosen The bell jar by Sylvia Plath. He started out by saying that he didn’t like the book. Fair enough, tell me why you didn’t enjoy it kind sir……… “It was too depressing”….well yeah, The bell jar is a bit self indulgent when it comes to the whole “being sad” kind of thing, but I think it was meant to be that way, oh hey wait a minute… what would I know, I’m a woman!

He continued his review by talking about how cliché and overly emotional Plath, and most other female authors are, and that he felt it was a profession that should be left to the men.

So in the end it was pretty much “Hey there check out my bookshelf and this review, look how deep and philosophical I am…Oh by the way WOMEN SUCK”

I am aware that everyone has different tastes and opinions about things, and hey man that’s groovy, each to their own and such. But sometimes your opinions make you a DICK!

Don’t feel bad female authors, it’s hard to be a good writer when you are stuck with all of those hormones and a vagina. At least you tried!! It’s best we leave the literary writing to this guy, he knows what he is doing……..

Keep up the good work buddy.