I’m in the mood to rant, so I thought I would stick with my book theme by going through my top five most annoying book characters, so let’s go.
#5 Lena Duchannes – The caster chronicles
Lena is a caster (fancy name for a witch, authors like to be clever like that) and Ethan (love interest) is just a plain boy from a southern town who has been dreaming about Lena before he even met her, which is pretty darn romantic to me….and slightly creepy. When they meet they fall for each other and then she wastes a lot of time being hot and cold with him. Then she wastes even more time by CONSTANTLY complaining about this whole turning dark bullshit and this continues throughout all of the series! The second book in particular is the worst.She breaks up with Ethan because…..well…..there is no real answer to that other than her going through some teenage angst type phase. Poor Ethan is heartbroken yet he CONTINUES to try to help her, and a few times he actually saves her but she still acts like a bitch. Only when Ethan dies does she decide that she does want to be with him, and by the time they are reunited she has grown up a bit, it’s all an educational experience I guess.
#4. Victor Frankenstein – Frankenstein
Now don’t get me wrong, I loved this book…but come on Frankenstein!!! He wants to create life so he goes around finding all of these body parts and ends up constructing a monster, then once he does manage to bring it to life he is suddenly horrified by how hideous it is……Um dude, you went out and collected these body parts and then sewed them all together! What…did you think he was going to look like Fabio or something? OF COURSE HE IS GOING TO LOOK AWFUL! He is made up of a bunch of different parts that all came from dead people! But then instead of biting the bullet and making the most out of a pretty gross situation he completely bungs it up by making the creature feel pretty awful about himself and instead of dealing with the situation he pretty much bails out. Then when the creature comes to him and tells him how lonely is and how awful he feels about some of his actions and begs Frankenstein to make him a mate, instead of being understanding and sympathetic towards his creature he pretty much tells him to fuck off….that’s cold man….ice cold…You can’t just be nice to him?
The creature throws in some threats so Frankenstein decides to do it and then he backs out, what a shock!!. The creature gets mad about it and decides to kill some people and Frankenstein seems stunned by it all…..YOU HAD ONE JOB, all you had to do was make him a girlfriend and he would have left you alone, you selfish jackass. This all could have been avoided so easily…..Oh Frankenstein, you silly man.
#4. Mary – The forest of hands and teeth.
Quick run down, this book is about a village that is fenced off in order to protect them from the unconsecrated (zombies!) …Mary is the main character and at first I kind of liked her, she refused to live a life that she had not chosen and I kind of admired that..plus she was in love with the idea of seeing the ocean which was kind of cute…but boy did that get old fast!!
It becomes obvious pretty early on that she is extremely selfish, there is a dude that has loved her since they were kids and when he finally gets the guts up to ask her to a dance, she is too busy thinking about how much she wishes his brother had of asked her because she is in actually in love with him….but his brother is betrothed to her best friend, a fact of which she later openly admits to herself that she doesn’t give a shit about.
Some stuff goes down with her mum and her brother ends up shunning her, then the dude that asked her to the dance changes his mind (Apparently the dance is some courting ritual), so she is sent to live with “the sisterhood” which is just a fancy name for what seems to be a bunch of crazy nuns. Eventually the guy who asked her to the dance turns up and even though he knows she loves his brother he still speaks up and offers to marry her anyway, so on the night before their wedding they make out and she decides that he will do.
All hell ends up breaking loose and she gets away with a couple of other people, but apparently they are only there to keep her company because she is still determined to get to the ocean. So she selfishly leads the group around and leads both of the guys along, changing her mind whenever she likes and for some reason they all think she is brave..ummmm…sure she has a few moments when she steps it up, but most of the time she stands there like some stunned mullet until she is either rescued or shaken back into reality. Things get a little sad and in the end she kind of stands there feeling sorry for herself for a minute and then shrugs it off and gets on with her life…..yup.
#2. Anastasia Steele – Fifty shades of grey series.
Ah my brain hurts when I think of this girl….
Anastasia is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb, yeah Christian Grey is a babe and he has heaps of money and he is great in bed, and I have nothing against the whole S&M scene….whatever you are into man, it’s all cheese and gravy to me…
That’s not right…..MOVING ON….
But lady, if you agree to let someone spank you and then you change your mind half way through, let me tell you the best way to handle the situation, JUST SAY STOP!!! God dammit, you are allowed to say no!!! In fact he asks you several times if you are sure that it’s ok and you have to go through all of these agreements and shit! Plus he seems pretty into you from the get go (fancy that, an instant love kinda thing, that almost NEVER happens…) so I think if you started screaming out that you couldn’t do it anymore, he would stop! But nope, she lets it all happen and then cries about it later…USE YOUR WORDS WOMAN!!! ….COME ON!! Some people argued that he bullied her into it, but she was always free to leave and to say no…she just never wanted to because it “excited her inner sex goddess” or some shit.
What annoys me the most is that every time he buys her something she gets annoyed and throws tantrums about it…Anastasia we have talked about this, when you have a problem what should you do? USE YOUR WORDS!!! If she really hated it that much there were plenty of opportunities for her to bail.
Fucking damsels man…
#1. Bella Swan – The twilight saga.
Surprise surprise, look who made it to number one.
This chick….is….oh my god!
Teenage love is always a” be all end all” type of thing, you are certain that your love is real and will last forever blah blah…but this takes it to a whole new level…Bella pretty much can’t do anything without Edward.
This is party because Edward coddles her to the point where she actually can’t do things on her own or at least she doesn’t think she can….what I love about it is that she has these episodes where she tries to show off her independence and then she ends up getting herself into even more danger and Edward has to save her which then makes him even more certain that she can’t possibly be trusted to look after herself…You can’t be independent while playing the damsel in distress at the same time, it just doesn’t work.
I think she may also be confused between romance and stalking, because she seems pretty ok with the fact that Edward just lets himself into her room so he can watch her sleep, that isn’t romantic…If some dude was breaking into my house so he could watch me sleep, I would be calling the police.
Bella is completely ok with Edward being a vampire but when she finds out her friend Jacob is a wolf she seems disgusted and asks him why he can’t just stop. Despite her obvious hatred of wolves he falls in love with her, so of course the only sensible thing for her to do is to lead them both on…She DOES tell Jacob that she only loves Edward, but then when he bails in the second book she decides after a bit that she may as well be with for Jacob now because…you know…anyone will do. She leads him along for a bit but then ends up breaking his heart to go find her vampire lover. Later on Jacob overhears Edward talking about their recent engagement and runs away, she then gets angry at Edward and t ends up kissing Jacob in some half assed attempt to make him stay with her instead of going out to fight some chick, but he goes anyway. She then goes back to her fiancé who she just technically cheated on and when he says that she loves Jacob, she replies with “But I love you more”, …This is ok with Edward, so they move on with their lives……Pretty ridiculous, am I right He-man?
I just wanted an excuse to put He-man in here……I love him…
Bella marries Edward and *spoiler* he knocks her up, she decides to keep the baby even though it will rip its way out of her (just like in Alien) and eventually it does get ripped out of her and she dies but not before choosing the dumbest babies name in the world “Renesmee” because it’s Edward’s mums name and her mums name put together…*face palm*…But don’t worry she comes back as a vampire…dammit.
Here ends my rant. Let me just say that I by no means hate these books, in fact I have enjoyed parts of them at one time or another, and if you love them or have your own opinions of them that’s great, it’s all gravy man…..what’s with the gravy references? Which are wrong by the way!! Annnd I’m talking to myself.
I bid you goodnight.
Oh and also, if your name is Renesmee I apologize….it’s a nice name…..really….