Trying to put a baby to bed is like walking through a field full of landmines, one wrong move and you are fucked.
The gremlin starts snoring so I assume that it must be safe for me to put him in his cot, I try to rise gently from the couch but I’m not at all graceful so I just end up clumsily struggling to get up as the couch tries to suck me back down.
I then begin the sloth like walk to the bedroom, stopping every two seconds when the ticking time bomb makes a sudden movement or noise. Opening the door is the tricky part, I try to turn the knob slowly so it is as quiet as possible but the doorknob that normally doesn’t make any noise has decided to make a loud screeching sound, pretty much saying fuck you to my stealth mode.
We reach the cot and I cautiously try to maneuver the gremlin into a position that will make it a bit easier to put him down, he instantly jumps and I freeze….he whimpers but then starts snoring again… I slowly put him down in his cot, I cover him with another blanket and then I back away reeeaalllly slow and close the door.
Once I’m out of the room I breathe a sigh of relief, sweet freedom! I sit down and return to whatever I was doing prior…..but just as I start to relax, the creature from the deep begins to make noises, eventually working himself up to an ear-piercing cry.