The screaming gremlin

So hey I had a baby!

The little gremlin is nearly two weeks old now and he is lovely but he has decided to stop sleeping so apologies if this post is a little crazier than usual, I am delirious.

Giving birth sucked, I won’t go into the gory details but let’s just say I won’t be doing that again…ever. People keep telling me I will change my mind but they are hugely mistaken, I am more than happy with one and I don’t think I will be forgetting that pain anytime soon.

Two weeks into this whole parenting gig and I have no idea what I’m fucking doing, but here are some things I have learnt.

1. Google can be your best friend and your worst enemy! Using it for helpful parenting advice is fine but for the love of god if your baby gets sick DO NOT use it to find out what may be ailing them….Google has no heart and will not hesitate in giving you the worst possible diagnosis!

2. Adult conversations change drastically once you have a kid, the husband and I went from talking about video games and what we should do on the weekend to poop explosions and diaper rash.

3. People will give you advice and sometimes it will be great…. and sometimes it will suck. Good news is because of the lack of sleep you will get really good at tuning out.

4. You will probably start to refer to yourself in the third person “Please go to sleep, mummy is starting to lose her freaking mind!!”

5. Babies smell fucking amazing.

Well I’m off to bed, so I can sleep for ten minutes and then be awoken by my tiny screaming demon.

P.S Mothers day is on Sunday, so happy mothers day to all of the mums out there including my own. You’re alright lady, I think I’ll keep you around.

alien-baby-hatches

Such a heartwarming moment.

 

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