The stairway of perpetual horror.

If you haven’t guessed it by now, I am pretty mental. People tell me this is a trait they like about me so I have come to believe that it is one of my more endearing qualities…after last week however I am pretty sure my mother does not share that view.

Earlier in the year I found out Beyoncé was touring and I knew that I wanted to go, I was at work when the tickets went on sale so I had planned to get them while I was there, but the work computers are atrocious…seriously I could shoot a baby out and it would still be trying to load Google. I was sitting in the office when I realised I was never going to get anywhere with the dial-up style connection so I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran out screaming some garble along the lines of “Beyoncé, car, home, tickets, life, bye”…I don’t know what the reaction was throughout the work place, but I doubt it was one of surprise.

I zoomed home and raced inside, the husband happened to be home and he was at first concerned by my erratic ranting  but when I started to scream at the laptop to load faster he remembered how crazy I am and went about his business. Long story short I finally got through and bought two tickets and spent the rest of the afternoon harassing my mother and pretty much just being obnoxious about it all.

Because of my impatience we ended up with the cheapest tickets… how was I to know that Beyoncé would announce another three shows??!? It’s not like she has me on speed dial or anything to let me know about various changes she is making in regards to her tour!!

Sadly the husband had to deal with my incessant worrying about our seating.

Me: Do you think our seats would be ok?

Husband: Yeah I’m sure it will be fine

Me: Yeah I’m sure it will be….after all the arena isn’t MASSIVE, we will still be able to see stuff

Husband: That’s right

Me: But what if we are right at the back?

Husband: Well there isn’t much you can do about it now

Me: Yeah I guess we are lucky to be going, a lot of people might have missed out on tickets or something

Husband: Mhmm

Me: But Beyoncé wont be able to see me or anything…

Husband: ……….

Me: How will we become friends?

Husband:…….*continues to play video game*

The concert date finally arrived and we headed to the city, when we got to our hotel I wanted to sleep since my mum had woken me up before 8am by sneaking into my bed and staring at me like a psycho ex-girlfriend saying “Good morning time to wake up”…but apparently that was not on the cards as she was far too excited to sit still.

When we got to the event mum noticed that they were that they were hiring out binoculars and we laughed commenting on how shit it would be if you were so far back that you needed those…..we would not be laughing about this later….. While we were by the doors waiting to enter the arena we began talking to a lady who works there, so I thought I would subtly try to find out about our seating area.

Me: I have been so worried that our seats will be horrible

Lady: Show me your ticket

Me: *pass it over*

Lady: Ohhhh *hands it back solemnly*…You’re in the nose bleed section…right up the back

I was pretty devastated because I had convinced myself that we wouldn’t be right up the back, after all, who ends the seating rows at O…that’s not the end of the alphabet!!!  I moved on from it though, figuring that it wouldn’t change how awesome the concert was. What I didn’t bet on however was my mothers reaction.

As we walked up the steps to our seats my mum became pale and shaky, she grasped the railings and commented on her fear of heights and I did what any concerned daughter would do…I laughed and continued my excited ramblings. I would like to state right now that I was not aware that my mother had a fear of heights nor was I aware that if there was a level you could use to categorize her fear, it would be level crazy..

When we sat down mum was extremely anxious

Me: See it’s not that bad

Mum: *Stares at me incredulously*

Me: Are you really that afraid?

Mum: Stop it, seriously I am terrified of heights…Mick and I went to center-point tower once and he tried to make me go right to the top so I cried

Me: It only looks bad now because the stadium is empty, once people are seated you will feel better

Mum: It’s moving I can feel it moving *grabs her chair*

Me: It’s not moving mum we are on a cement level *jerk around in my seat to demonstrate how stable it all is*

Mum: *grasps her chair tighter* Stop it!!!!

Me: You’ll be right

Mum: I wont be able to get down the stairs

Me: I will go first and you can hold my shoulder (I had already planned to do this because my mother can’t be trusted when it comes to stairs…..or tools of any description)

As the arena filled up mum seemed to feel a bit better

Mum: I just wont stand up

Me: If you do fall there are heaps of people in front of you so you wont fall far.

Mum: ….

We still had a great time and she even got up a few times, at first I thought she was having muscle spasms brought on by severe stress but it turns out it was just her version of anxious dancing. You will all be glad to hear that she made it down the stairs with no broken bones!! There were so many people that she couldn’t even see where she was going which made her height phobia seem less horrible. Silver lining… CHECK!

And no… Beyoncé and I aren’t friends yet, she did however wave and shout “Hello to you all up the top”….I can only assume that she was talking to me because she was obviously impressed by my dance moves. Unfortunately there were so many people that she couldn’t find me after the concert had finished to get some pointers on the way I move, but I expect her to track me down and call me any time now.


Don’t act like you’re not impressed


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