It all makes sense now…

I went to a Psychiatrist yesterday and got some rather interesting, and somewhat perturbing information about what seems to be going on with me.

Apparently I have what is called a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I didn’t have a lot of knowledge about the disorder and to be honest I still don’t. I always thought it had something more to do with split personality disorder or something, I don’t know…

Anyway I looked it up once I go home, the doctor said I was allowed to this time (I have a doctor google habit) and the definition pretty much encompasses my entire personality. while I’m not going to start blaming everything I have ever said or done on the disorder, it definitely explains why I have found myself in certain situations and why I have ended up ruining friendships and opportunities.

Since the disorder doesn’t have a specific drug that helps and the Psychiatrist believes that medication has and will continue to only make things worse. So I have meds to help me sleep (not that they have been doing their job!!) and I will be seeing a psychologist and and doing some group therapy. Right now I am very optimistic, I have some amazing people who love me so even on days when I can’t do it anymore I at least have to push through for them because I know how hard the past few months have been on them.

I can do this…..I think…

P.S Here is a link to some extra info in case you, like me, had no freaking idea what the hell BPD even is.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

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